Fragile

IMG_0766

Because I was fragile
And nobody wanted to know
Not even me
Especially not me

Who wants to talk about
Being broken?
Lay out their shattered pieces
For display and rearrangement?

Because nobody wants your
Sad, sad songs or woe is me’s
Your darkness and shadows
Your thoughts of razor blades and sleeping pills

Because I thought you could see it
And when you didn’t ask
I thought I needed to hide it
I didn’t want to ruin the fun
Your fun, their fun, everybody’s fun

Because I was fragile
And nobody wanted to know
Not even me
Especially not me

Copyright 2015

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Message

various-pics038

What is your message

for me today, God?

Show me a sign

whisper in my ear

Tell me the truest

truth that can be uttered

I promise

I will be listening.

Copyright 2013

Calm

flowers010

my calm comes from

my words

that crowd the page

tumble from nowhere

live inside

find their way

out

my piece of peace

sleeps there

nestled in warm

seclusion

fed while dreams

dance by

triggered by

random images

loaded for bear

copyright 2013

Scars

16
She wears her scars with honor
No beauty there
No flowers of fragrant grace
No sunshine memories airborne and beaming
Her pennant colored by each criticism
That reduced her size bit by bit
The stains left by tears for her father
Tattoo her heart.

Copyright 2011

Story

journal

Everyone has a story
That old saw is a favorite mutter –
a tried and truism

But we do have our own stories
of failure
of success
of getting by – by getting along

Of making choices that led us astray
and decisions that led to wonder
and I can’t fucking believe this…

But we keep the story to ourselves
because no one asks
Because there is only time to tell
our own stories
our own regrets and mistakes
missteps and meanderings

Only time to tweet and post to the wall
favorite and stumble
the many details that must be
disseminated
in hopes of the hotly contested
15 minutes

And if we wonder, we do it in passing
Filling in the blanks with our own experiences –
rejecting the reality with our
own lack of resume

Am I my brothers keeper?
Cain didn’t think so and neither do most of us
And when we do, the ACLU
ensures we pay the price for our curiosity
and invasions of helping hands

If Oprah or CNN doesn’t care
if it’s not on The View or the Daily Show
if it doesn’t expose colossal frailties and weaknesses
it’s none of our business
We don’t need to know
And it’s time to move on to
the reality show of choice
Reality that is scripted and real only
to those vying for the prize

But everyone has a story and
if you ask and you really want to know
people will tell you

copyright 2010

Father’s Day 16

purple-day

My life changed
when you left
in ways small and
subtle
Parts of me left
the best parts,
I fear…

Since then
I’ve stood on wobbly legs
for you were my rock
Bottled up doubts
for you were my confessor
Led with my fears
for you were my champion

I’m still confused
not quite sure
you’re really gone
My heart wants to believe
but my head won’t let it

It’s the saddest
day of the year
when I celebrat
your absense
(with tears and solitude)

I guess I’ll never
stop missing you
but that’s okay
because I don’t want to

Wherever you are
whatever you are doing
Be happy
Laugh a lot
and if you don’t mind…
think of me once in a while

copyright 2010

Maverick

horse

I’ve always been maverick
a wild horse seeking higher quieter ground
watching the world from private precipice
with wary eye and distrustful gut

My inner tinkerbell
ever searching egress to escape
and when she does slip through
an unattended window and acquaints herself
with freedom
the laughing and dancing goes on for days
sometimes weeks

But she is always caught
and returned to her bottle
Unable to understand
the dangers out there
the beasts who intend her
harm

Only seeing butterflies
and sunshine
she cries behind closed doors
begging for blue sky
and unfettered freedom

I cry a little too
but I am dedicated to her safety
vigilant in her protection
no white knight
looks after her heart
or shields her from murderous fools
hungry for her soul

copyright 2010

Rewrite

grow

In sleep I invite
my mistakes to enter
Replay the scene
move the furniture
fix the lighting
rewrite the dialogue
re-shoot the scene

Take after take
but it still comes out
Wrong

There are no do-overs
no do it agains
no going back
no editing or airbrushing
no time travel
to set things right

There is only
the will to do it right
the next time…

copyright 2010

In the Night

wishing-on-a-star

They come to me
in the night
The traitors dressed
as friends
taP at the windows
of my house of sleep

Luring me from
slumber’s arms
to make their case
prove I’m mistaken
show me the truth..

And they rob the stars
from the sky
Chase the moon
behind the clouds

Crawl into my head
natter on…
relentless and shameless
Saying I did them wrong
yet begging forgiveness
Swearing love
but meaning harm

copyright 2010